Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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