This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
