I hate your face
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize