if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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