1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
