Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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