Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
