I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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