You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
