It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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