i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
