I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
