he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
