i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
