Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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