____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Only a mothe r could love this liver
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
