Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
