The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
