I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hell yes lets make some ravioli
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
