Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
