Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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