is your mom at the bar?
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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