Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm at about main and main street
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
