just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
