i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize