i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
