i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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