i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
