She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
