Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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