Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
