Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
