she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
