I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We have started to decorate penises.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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