so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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