at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
