physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
