i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
