I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
