I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize