Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
