you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
