is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
