Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize