Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
