my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
