Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
