Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
