Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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