My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
