We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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