I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
