If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
accomplished twins. life is a go
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
