at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
