brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
