He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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