Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
