we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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