Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
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