Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
