so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
