My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
