Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
