i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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