i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
