ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
