i need an iv and a liver transplant
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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