tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
