Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize