I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
